How does social networking influence interpersonal behavior?

This weekend really opened my eyes to just how much social networking can affect relationships and interpersonal behavior. As a group we were forced to turn in our phones and not interact with technology whatsoever. Turns out this was a blessing in disguise. Without my phone I was able to talk to people openly, really pay attention to what people had to say, and open up my mind to communication without using a computer.

Facebook has turned into such a social norm that it changes people’s perspectives on communication. My generation has difficulty opening up in person or even talking to someone face to face because Facebook and technology have crippled our social skills. Social networking lessens the need for in person interactions and this weekend proved to me how detrimental it is that people step outside of their social media bubbles and see the world through clearer eyes.

Social media has become somewhat of a necessity through this modern age but it doesn’t have to completely control your life. I have realized that I have used social media as a crutch for too long. When I am bored or awkwardly waiting in the hall for class to start, I pull out my phone so I don’t look stupid. We use social networking as a mask. In our factual video we asked people if Facebook accurately portrayed who they are. In my opinion, a website cannot define you as a person or nail you down as a certain type of individual. Your Facebook page should not be a diary for the whole world to know your deepest secrets. You should keep a little bit of yourself private.

This weekend was extremely eye opening and life changing for me. I learned that people I never met or really interacted with can become my friends without the shield of social media. You shouldn’t always count on Facebook or other websites to reveal everything about someone. I was pleasantly surprised by the trip and wish I could explain the feelings I had to others.

Overall, I think social media can be used for good but often times it skews people’s opinions of others and takes us away from having meaningful interactions that are necessary in every day life. 

Is facebook damaging your brain? [Web]. (2009). Retrieved from

Ojuko, A. (Videographer) (2011). Destructive effects of facebook [Web]. Retrieved from

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For my social networking dating site I would set up a dating website that asked candidates to fill out the characteristics of their ideal partners. I would then ask them to describe their family life and how close they are with their parents. That way it will be easy to see the correlation between the characteristics of their mother or father and their needs in a partner. Obviously you cannot ask someone on a social networking website to list all of their childhood traumas and past baggage so that part would be difficult to incorporate with the imago theory and a dating site.

One way to see the compatibility on the website would be for the candidate to list all of the negative and positive traits in their mother or father and then ask what they would like to see in a lover and what they would not like to see. It’s pretty easy to weed out from there.

The article about partner preferences idealizes potential partners and looks past their glaring flaws. In the video we watched in class, it talks about how in the beginning stages of a relationship one is often blinded by someone and they feel the need to change their personality in order to fit them. I think that using the comparative evidence between the candidate’s profile and what they seek in a partner and how they view their parents can be helpful in relieving this problem ahead of time.

In this awesome video I found through Ted Talks, Esther Perel also analyzes relationships and how the meaning of desire has changed throughout the ages. This relates because she says that in relationships people are looking for a lover, a friend, a support system, etc. and it builds a lot of pressure on the relationship. In the dating website people will be able to gauge other people’s feelings and levels of commitment through their questionnaires. 

Eastwick, P. W., Finkel, E. J., & Eagly, A. H. (2011, June 27). When and Why Do Ideal Partner
Preferences Affect the Process of Initiating and Maintaining Romantic Relationships?. Journal
of Personality and Social Psychology. Advance online publication. doi: 10.1037/a0024062

Talk, T. (Producer). (2013). The secret to desire in a long-term relationship. [Web Video]. Retrieved from

Zielinski, J. J. (2000). ‘Discovering imago relationship therapy’: Reply. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training37(1), 104-105. doi:10.1037/h0087816

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What is the relationship between (1) one’s gender (2) saying “I love you” and (3) having sexual relationships? How might these elements of a relationship be visible on Facebook

When I think of someone saying “I love you” in a relationship first, I usually think of the guy. For whatever reason every relationship I’ve encountered or heard about, the guy has always been the first one to say it. I think that guys are often more open about their emotions in a relationship than girls are, contrary to popular belief. Girls seem to be more guarded of their emotions for fear of being “hurt” or being “too vulnerable.” In this video of Ray LaMontagne and Damien Rice, they sing a cover of “To Love Somebody.” The lyrics seem to be from a male perspective, showing that the love they feel for their significant other cannot be compared. The song is emotional and raw, showing that men are able to open up more easily than women when it comes to love. 

For example, in the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You,” Ginnifer Godwin’s character opens up to Justin Long’s character only to be shot down. She expresses her feelings for him and he denies her, leaving her embarrassed and hurt. At the end of the movie, we see him taking back his denial and admitting that he has feelings for her.

In sexual relationships, I think once the pair has sex, the feelings are heightened and the connection leads one person to say “I love you.” For girls, I think it’s harder to engage in sexual activity with a guy unless they have strong emotions like love. It might be a common misconception but I imagine guys being more accepting of sex without having to say “I love you” first. However, after sex I think both the male and female feel more connected and they mean the words more than they did before if they hadn’t said it previously.

Facebook and social media is often a means of expressing love. In most cases, I usually see girls being the ones to tell their boyfriends they love them using social media. Sometimes it gets a little out of hand and girls will take to Twitter and Instagram to profess their love. In terms of sex, I almost never see something as private as that being explicitly talked about via Facebook. However, I have seen pictures of a couple that was pretty obviously naked lying in a bed together. The picture was posted by the girl and she clearly had no shame about their actions. 

Ackerman, J. M., Griskevicius, V., & Li, N. P. (2011). Let’s Get Serious: Communicating Commitment in Romantic Relationships. Journal Of Personality & Social Psychology100(6), 1079-1094.

He’s just not that into you-“you’re my own exception”[Web]. (2010). Retrieved from

Taratata [Web]. (2012). Retrieved from

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How does gratitude impact a relationship and how might I see it play out in someone’s postings on Facebook?

Without showing someone you appreciate or care for them, a relationship is essentially pointless. In my opinion, it’s the “little things that matter.” People often misconstrue gratitude or appreciation with big or over the top gifts. My dad has always taught me that showing someone you love them can be as easy as picking them up a coffee or loading the dishwasher without being asked to.

In relationships, I think it’s only right that you are appreciated as well as appreciative. Without the combination of both, one person is bound to resent the other for not showing enough thanks or doing enough acts of kindness.

In this article by Susan Minarik, she suggests starting small when learning to appreciate things. What makes you happy? What gives you pleasure? Start with these little examples before moving on to people! Once you do this, you can move on to the things you like or appreciate about yourself. And finally, when thinking of a loved one, you can list all of the things that you are grateful for.

People often misconstrue acts of kindness for a need to be rewarded or as a gain for something in return. Like this article states, people often think that an act of appreciation is really just a way to get something back. The study was similar to the one we read in class. People who were in romantic relationships were asked to write down their interactions with their partner. The thoughtful behaviors resulted in a feeling of “indebtedness.” Basically if someone did something nice for you, you feel the need to “repay them.”

I think this all plays out very well in the Facebook or social media field. Often times when someone does something nice for their romantic partner, people post about it on Facebook. For example, I have a Facebook friend who constantly posts about her boyfriend making her dinner or buying her flowers. While it is sweet and shows he appreciates her, I never see her doing anything in return. I always think to myself, “Maybe he keeps doing nice things so YOU will return the favor!”

For me and my relationship with my boyfriend, I like to keep it as private as possible. I didn’t want to post the flowers he got me for Valentine’s Day because I didn’t want to be “that girl.” I am happy when he posts dog or cat videos on my wall wishing me good luck on a test. For me, that is more than enough.

ALGOE, S. B., GABLE, S. L., & MAISEL, N. C. (2010). It’s the little things: Everyday gratitude as a booster shot for romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 17(2), 217-233. doi:10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01273.x

Gordon, A. M., Oveis, C., Impett, E. A., Kogan, A., & Keitner, D. (2012). To Have and to Hold: Gratitude Promotes Relationship Maintenance in Intimate Bonds. Journal Of Personality & Social Psychology, 103(2), 257-274. doi:10.1037/a0028723

Minark, S. (2011). Appreciation: Relationship’s golden key. Positive Living Now, Retrieved from

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WBP6: How might your ideal partner preference be impacted by your attachment style and social networking– compare face-to-face versus Facebook only introduction?

When I think of my “ideal” guy, I think of someone low-key, laid back, funny, and entertaining. If asked if my boyfriend had all of these key traits, I would obviously say yes. Like the article we read for this week states, you tend to match your ideals with your current romantic partner and can even change your ideals to fit their mold. Have I compromised on certain views we differ on (like religion or certain political ideologies)? Absolutely. But regardless of our differences I see him in a certain light. I like that he is not overly possessive, lets me down my own thing, allows me to spend time with my friends and does not get upset. I look for that in an ideal relationship, it’s one of my “preferences”

These partner preferences and attachment styles can vary in person and on Facebook. For example if someone wants a partner that is “dedicated” or “loyal” on Facebook that could mean they are constantly looking at their partner’s profile and liking their pictures or posting on their wall to prove they are together. Instead of looking thoughtful and nice, they come across as weirdos.  In this video, the girl has an obsessive tendency towards an imaginary boyfriend aka Justin Bieber. She is expressing her emotions through a social media extension in a way that is creepy as opposed to looking dedicated or sweet.

This article, similar to the one we read in class, begins by measuring ones similarities and differences between partner relationships. In person it is less obvious of a person’s values, as opposed to Facebook that allows you to post your political and religious affiliations. In person, you actually have to do investigatory work to evaluate characteristics in others; it’s not so cut and dry on Facebook. The article also goes into sexual desire and passion, showing that men desire women who have high sex drives.

Overall, it’s best to view someone in person when you’re trying to figure out your partner preferences so you’re not skewed or close minded when it comes to their opinions, likes, or dislikes. You may find you have more in common with them than you originally thought! 

Laina. (Composer). (2012). Jb fanvideo. [Web Video]. Retrieved from

Eastwick, P. W., Finkel, E. J., & Eagly, A. H. (2011, June 27). When and Why Do Ideal Partner Preferences Affect the Process of Initiating and Maintaining Romantic Relationships?. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Advance online publication. doi: 10.1037/a0024062

Regan, P. C., Levin, ,., Sprecher, S., Christopher, F., & Cate, R. (2000). Partner Preferences: What Characteristics Do Men and Women Desire in Their Short-Term Sexual and Long-Term Romantic Partners?. Journal Of Psychology & Human Sexuality12(3), 1.

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This week our article discussed prosocial gossip and its benefits to those involved. When working in a group setting, I feel like it’s beneficial to know ahead of time who will pull their weight and who will not. As demonstrated in this article, when an individual was being unfair or selfish, it benefitted others to know about it prior to interaction. I’m sure plenty of college students would love to know who would be cooperative in their classes and who would not.

From being in a sorority, I feel that I have firsthand experience at gossip, mostly the bad kind. However, most of the gossip centers on people who are not willing to help or volunteer when it is needed. No one likes to be associated with a lazy or disrespectful person, so others feel the need to bring the issue to light through prosocial gossip.

I find prosocial gossip to be a positive thing because it exposes those who can have bad character or bad intentions. I wish someone had warned me ahead of time that the guy I liked in high school would turn out to be a total jerk and kiss my friend at prom! Maybe that way I would have been spared the embarrassment of ever liking him!

In this article by Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps, she brings up the common example of the office “player” who macks on women. By using prosocial gossip, coworkers are better able to reveal that the guy is clearly a jerk who is only after one thing. Lots of hearts are still fully intact and no one is left hurt.

This article by Sora Song directly uses the article we discussed in class, putting it into simpler terms and separates negative and harmful gossip from prosocial gossip which has positive outcomes.

Becker-Phelps, L. (2012, January 25). Gossip can be good.. pass it on. Retrieved from

Feinberg, M., Willer, R., Stellar, J., & Keltner, D. (2012, January 9). The Virtues of Gossip:
Reputational Information Sharing as Prosocial Behavior. Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology. Advance online publication. doi: 10.1037/a0026650

Song , S. (2012, January 19). The upside of gossip: Social and psychological benefits. Retrieved from

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In Carlson, Vazire, and Furr’s article, it weighs the importance of others’ opinions of us and how that affects our personal outlooks. What surprised me the most was that people were mostly aware of how others viewed them. In my case, being someone who is so overly self-analytical it’s insane, I hope others don’t see me as awkward and goofy (like I view myself).

When social media comes into play, it’s an entirely different playing field. It seems obvious that the more social media seeps into our lives, the more we care about how others perceive us. Facebook has a sneaking way of making someone want to seem cooler or more popular than they really are. When you’re up against a couple hundred or so friends you seem to judge yourself more harshly.

When someone goes to post a “status” on their own wall, I think they take it into heavy consideration. Most of the time people want to seem cool and in the know when they post things so people will attempt to post things they know will get likes. Unless that person is a narcissist who is probably just posting for their own self-satisfaction, that’s a different story. Most people will untag unflattering pictures of themselves on Facebook in order to seem more attractive to their Facebook friends. They want to come across as attractive as possible.

There seems to be a common theme of how many “likes” one person can get. The more “likes” you have, the better you come across on Facebook. People will post pictures they know will get likes, perhaps to make them feel better about themselves, boosting their self perceptions.

This guy clearly judges how girls use their Facebook profiles, proof that people will judge very harshly on what you say! The common theme of the video seems to be females seeking attention on the internet. Therefore, if you have a low self esteem, the more you seem to need positive feedback. If a girl has very low self-perception it’s very possible that others will also have a low meta-perception.

Like we have talked about before, Facebook can affect relationships with others and people can become so socially aware that they may lose friends. For example, in the movie “Mean Girls,” Cady loses her best friend Janis by lying to the popular girl about Janis’ reputation. She just wants to fit in to the popular crowd and gets sucked into their gossip train all to appear cooler to the high school world. Her meta-perception in the high school becomes worse and worse the more popular she becomes because she is too worried about what others think of her.

The common theme through the article and these two videos seems to be to just be yourself and not try so hard in person or on Facebook. The amount of “likes” you have does not determine how great of a person you are.


Carlson, E. N., Vazire, S., & Furr, R. M. (2011, June 20). Meta-Insight: Do People Really Know

How Others See Them?. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Advance online

publication. doi: 10.1037/a0024297P

Clips, M (Producer), & Clips, M (Director). (2011). Mean Girls: Regina Bashes Janis [Motion picture]. United States: YouTube Video.

Ratza, S (Producer), & Ratza, S (Director). (2011). Annoying Girls on Facebook [Motion picture]. United States: YouTube Video.


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